An Open Letter to Fellow Empaths

You’re an empath and you’ve made it here. Welcome! If you’re feeling a bit defeated, I am too. Maybe I can help us both.

Definition of Empathy

“What happens is what you allow” provides an illusion of control to those who either A. Desparetly want it or B. Have no true concept of what it means to be in the real world.

In all actuality, what you allow is what will continue.

Look, I’m not going to explain to you that for every rule there is an exception. You’re an adult, you already know this to be true.

The fact is, every single person you care about will hurt you in some way at some time. I can’t tell you why. There are multiples of possibilities.

I can tell you to remember and embrace the below statements.

  • Not everything deserves a response. Sometimes being quiet is the best answer.
  • Empathy, at the very least sympathy, will determine your ability to connect to this world, and your maturity.
  • Remember you can never un-ring a bell. Words cannot be unspoken. So never hit below the belt because in the end it will hurt you more than you them. (If you care about this person).
  • If you wouldn’t say it to a friend or your mother, do not say it to yourself.
  • It can take only 15 seconds to destroy a 15 year relationship. Do not speak rashly, be slow to anger.
  • You are going to blister before your skin toughens and thickens up, it’s ok.
  • Know your boundaries. Respect others’.
  • Don’t try to change anyone but yourself.
  • Do not compare yourself to another. Our journeys are as unique as our fingerprints.
  • Always aim to be informed instead of opinionated.
  • The only thing you have power over is yourself, your thinking, your future. It is never too late to be who you want to be.
  • If you explain your anger rather than express it, you will find solutions instead of arguments.
  • When you throw dirt, you lose ground.
  • Always try to treat the world kinder than it treated you.
  • Remember the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.
  • Being an empath will drain you! Find something that will feed your soul and stroke the flames of your passion and you will never go empty again.
  • Trust yourself. Sensitivity is your strength. While the mind is in the dark working through facts, the heart already saw the problem. It’s just waiting for you to accept it.
  • Do not expect others to have the same heart, work ethic, or humanity as you. It will break your heart.
  • It’s ok to cut a toxic person out of your life. Does not mean that this will be painless. You just have to make a decision. You can either be a light house or a life preserver. One is rooted on the rock of the earth, the other is used and bobs under water frequently.
  • Say no and mean it. Confidence is the currency of the adult world. Don’t let your empathy be your reason for being a welcome mat.
  • Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgive whenever you can.
  • Life is shorter than you realize. It speeds up the older you get, and goes even faster when you’re enjoying it. Be precise and pointed in your interactions. Say I love you often.
  • In the end you will regret time not spent, experiences missed.. You wont regret that silly last minute email or text message. Get off your phone.
  • Remember we are all humans. We fail. Hopefully we learn.
  • The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Remember, to have what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done.
  • Every day of your life you must seek your true inner self. If you do not figure out who you are or accept it, you will attract your worst attributes.
  • Make a few goals: one for tomorrow, one in a year, and one in 5 years. Strive for these goals. They will keep you on track and root you.
  • Ask yourself if this is a 5 minute problem or a 5 year problem. If it won’t matter in 5 years, let it go.
  • People often fail to realize that they are projecting their inner issues into the world. Random strikes of hurtfulness will come and go. Understand that these people need kindness the most.
  • If nothing else… Remember this. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.

People who do not share our ability to empathize will not understand us. We are called empaths for a reason. It is a gift and it is a curse. If it starts feeling too much like a curse, you are focusing on the negative emotions too much and not bringing positivity to others or yourself enough.

Please remember that people cannot take anything from you, emotionally, that you do not allow. You can take back your control, your happiness, your power at anytime. You have to believe that.

You have an amazing gift that takes time to understand. Give yourself some grace.

Open Thoughts-The Variable of Communication


People rarely acknowledge just how thin of ice we walk on every day. 

I don’t think it was always this way. I can’t say that I know, though. But I can say that others may not have spoken so harshly and brashly before- I feel we, as a society, have lost touch with the art of communication. 

As a Christian I know that I will always walk a thin line, on thin ice, when it comes to self expression. Mainly because I have to stop and ask myself if these words will show God’s light. It’s not easy. Many say it isn’t fair. But it is life. Because if I speak out of anger, or just speak with no thought on what my words may mean to someone else- I can cause them pain. I also have to take into consideration what others are going through before I take their words to heart. 

Now, it can be argued that this is what it takes to be a decent human being, not just a Christian. I won’t argue with that. I’m simply telling you how I got to this plane of thinking- this thought process. 

I will challenge anyone who stumbles upon this post to think before allowing words to simply flow from their mouth (or hands in today’s age). I know we’ve heard this a million times before “think before you speak”.. but I don’t think enough time is granted for that voyage. 

Let me add- I’m no saint. I speak quickly and can be just as quick to anger. This is just as much for me as it is for anyone else. 

I recently encountered a situation where someone who was “trying to help” sends me a link that discusses and compares depression to self pity. In this post there were bible verses during and at the end. Don’t get me wrong- the Lord discusses mourning, anger, pain, all emotions really, in the Bible. But I do not appreciate a link being thrown my way when there was no time spent on the actual thought process. The act was meant to be helpful and encouraging. But unfortunately, I was offended because I am diagnosed with clinical depression, PTSD, and anxiety. I am not pitying myself. I do not choose this for myself. I actively have to work every moment to see things in a different light. 

I could have lashed out (am I lashing out right now..?) and told this person all of this. But I chose not to respond for two reasons:  1. Unless you have it- or love someone who has it, you won’t understand; and 2. What is this person going through? A LOT. This persons world has been turned upside down and everything they knew to be true turned out to be a lie. 

I learned that when you are going through what reason 2 is going through- there isn’t much reason coming and going. It’s simply survival and a desperate plea for any emotion that isn’t pain. “The best way to help yourself is to help others” and OF COURSE there is a clause or footnote on this. The person was trying to be helpful and unintentionally offended me. I’ll survive LOL. 

Look, I can’t actually tell what the art to communication is. Because it is different for each person you encounter. The current state of said person is the variable. Culture… People are the variable. Your own state of mind is the variable. BUT I truly believe if we stopped and thought about the impact of our words, at least attempted to educate ourselves on these variables, then two things will happen 1. Thoughtful communication will occur and 2. A lot less will be said. (Sometimes it isn’t worth it- the effort, the most likely outcomes, etc.) And of course there are times we can work through every word of our sentence, every variable we know of and still offend someone. It’s ok to offend someone, it’s going to happen. It is a constant of life, a staple. What I hope happens after that though, is constructive communication. 

I’m no activist for saying less. I’m an activist for saying less that means more. Or write a book that means everything. Just think out what you have to say before you say it. Regret leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. You can’t unring a bell. And unfortunately what may take 5 seconds to say, can take 5 years to repair. 

Words are free… it’s how you use them that may cost you.