It’s time for your medicine

It’s morning. Take your pills.

Go to work and give it your all. We mean your all as in the all we expect to work tried and true. The all we need to make the numbers work.

It’s evening. Take your pills.

It’s always time for your medicine.

What happens when you don’t take your medicine? Well your body is going to scream either way- it wasn’t made to rely on little white pills… Your mind though, your mind will deceive you.

Does it really deceive me? Well perception is reality. And right now I believe that I am failing.

I’m not failing, because I have the right medication.

I’m failing. I’m not failing. We are doomed. There is hope.

When things get really bad, I always forget that it’s time for my medicine

“The doctors give the pills but the pills don’t have the will to take the pain outta the brain, they just make the brain insane.”

I have a love hate relationship with my need for medication.

I hate that I need it. But I love myself for accepting that I need it.

It’s ok to not be ok. And it’s ok to be ok.

Why don’t we talk about these things as they come? Why do we have such high standards for ourselves? We give so much more grace to those around us!

We aren’t even friends to ourselves. Because if I was my friend, I’d tell myself to stop dicking around and take my damn medicine like I know I need to. I’d say Chelsee, you are having a panic attack, and that’s ok. But take this medicine to dampen it. You’ll be able to breathe. And I’d trust me and listen to me.

It’s ok to need something, and it’s ok that it takes a while to find the right concoction. But take care of yourself. And listen to the still, quiet voice within you that does not scream profanities.. it feeds you words of strength, healing, and grace.

Tell those bad thoughts to go straight back to hell from which they came.

And to my readers- thank you for sticking through the up and downs. And thank you for the words of positivity that is often the lighthouse in my stormy sea. Much love to you all. You are not alone.

Anxiety Bingo

I found this bingo card for social anxiety.

Have you ever found something randomly and it fit you like Cinderella’s slipper?

I’m sitting in H&R Block … like I do every year and this wave of panic threatens to take me into the undertow.

Now don’t get me wrong, taxes suck. And yeah ok I can accept anxiety in small quantities because TAXES.

But I’m sitting here, like every year (my anxiety is usually satisfied with repetition) and I start shaking, and I’m so hot that Satan MUST be near will hell on his heels. I’m sweating and shaking.

It’s so stupid and almost comical. almost.

I should probably look into a therapist.. maybe someone can tell me why I have to be in control all the time even when I don’t want to be.

Anyways, for all my readers or those who stumble upon this.

It’s ok to not be ok.

It’s ok to walk outside for a minute or 20. Take the time you need to be ok. You are allowed to take care of yourself.

I’m going back into H&R Block.

Catch y’all laters. ❤️✌🏻

An Open Letter to Fellow Empaths

You’re an empath and you’ve made it here. Welcome! If you’re feeling a bit defeated, I am too. Maybe I can help us both.

Definition of Empathy

“What happens is what you allow” provides an illusion of control to those who either A. Desparetly want it or B. Have no true concept of what it means to be in the real world.

In all actuality, what you allow is what will continue.

Look, I’m not going to explain to you that for every rule there is an exception. You’re an adult, you already know this to be true.

The fact is, every single person you care about will hurt you in some way at some time. I can’t tell you why. There are multiples of possibilities.

I can tell you to remember and embrace the below statements.

  • Not everything deserves a response. Sometimes being quiet is the best answer.
  • Empathy, at the very least sympathy, will determine your ability to connect to this world, and your maturity.
  • Remember you can never un-ring a bell. Words cannot be unspoken. So never hit below the belt because in the end it will hurt you more than you them. (If you care about this person).
  • If you wouldn’t say it to a friend or your mother, do not say it to yourself.
  • It can take only 15 seconds to destroy a 15 year relationship. Do not speak rashly, be slow to anger.
  • You are going to blister before your skin toughens and thickens up, it’s ok.
  • Know your boundaries. Respect others’.
  • Don’t try to change anyone but yourself.
  • Do not compare yourself to another. Our journeys are as unique as our fingerprints.
  • Always aim to be informed instead of opinionated.
  • The only thing you have power over is yourself, your thinking, your future. It is never too late to be who you want to be.
  • If you explain your anger rather than express it, you will find solutions instead of arguments.
  • When you throw dirt, you lose ground.
  • Always try to treat the world kinder than it treated you.
  • Remember the past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.
  • Being an empath will drain you! Find something that will feed your soul and stroke the flames of your passion and you will never go empty again.
  • Trust yourself. Sensitivity is your strength. While the mind is in the dark working through facts, the heart already saw the problem. It’s just waiting for you to accept it.
  • Do not expect others to have the same heart, work ethic, or humanity as you. It will break your heart.
  • It’s ok to cut a toxic person out of your life. Does not mean that this will be painless. You just have to make a decision. You can either be a light house or a life preserver. One is rooted on the rock of the earth, the other is used and bobs under water frequently.
  • Say no and mean it. Confidence is the currency of the adult world. Don’t let your empathy be your reason for being a welcome mat.
  • Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Forgive whenever you can.
  • Life is shorter than you realize. It speeds up the older you get, and goes even faster when you’re enjoying it. Be precise and pointed in your interactions. Say I love you often.
  • In the end you will regret time not spent, experiences missed.. You wont regret that silly last minute email or text message. Get off your phone.
  • Remember we are all humans. We fail. Hopefully we learn.
  • The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Remember, to have what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done.
  • Every day of your life you must seek your true inner self. If you do not figure out who you are or accept it, you will attract your worst attributes.
  • Make a few goals: one for tomorrow, one in a year, and one in 5 years. Strive for these goals. They will keep you on track and root you.
  • Ask yourself if this is a 5 minute problem or a 5 year problem. If it won’t matter in 5 years, let it go.
  • People often fail to realize that they are projecting their inner issues into the world. Random strikes of hurtfulness will come and go. Understand that these people need kindness the most.
  • If nothing else… Remember this. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.

People who do not share our ability to empathize will not understand us. We are called empaths for a reason. It is a gift and it is a curse. If it starts feeling too much like a curse, you are focusing on the negative emotions too much and not bringing positivity to others or yourself enough.

Please remember that people cannot take anything from you, emotionally, that you do not allow. You can take back your control, your happiness, your power at anytime. You have to believe that.

You have an amazing gift that takes time to understand. Give yourself some grace.

Insert Smile Here


What am I supposed to say when I’m out of words? 

My thoughts turn into ash in my mouth by the burn of uncertainty and fear.
I’m all out of ideas and strength.

I don’t know what to do or where to go.

I hate this uncomfortable feeling crawling on my skin. I hate not knowing what my plan is. 

I don’t know what I want out of this life. Isn’t that ironic?  I am given so many opportunities and all I can do is go blank. 

I can write, I can data mine. I can study your brain, I can help you find solutions, and think out of the box. 

I can’t tell you with any certainty what I should do, though. 

My God, this is so frustrating and I feel so defeated! I always have a plan. And now I just feel lost. 

No I have no idea what’s wrong…except for me. I’ll insert a smile anyway and tell you I’m fine. 

No, you can’t fix it for me. Lord, I sure wish you could! I would let you!

I’m stretched so thin that I’m translucent. 

My candle is burning at both ends and in the middle. 

What do I do? Who do I become? Even things as simple as “What do I write next?” … I have all these ideas swirling in my mind, more faint than *options* , but I can’t catch a single one. They fly too quickly and have too much uncertainty with them. 

Is a safety net turning into a noose? 

Or am I about to ruin everything?

On Feeling Lost

I have been so overwhelmed. This week alone has felt like it’s own month. I have been working so hard, but I don’t feel like I’ve achieved or accomplished anything. I feel like I’m wandering around. 

I realize that I’ve reached goals, and now I’m out of important goals. Out of the things I can change. I hate feeling like my fate is in someone else’s hands. 

I hate feeling so lost and confused. I hate this dark abyss. I feel like I’m just treading water. Pleading with myself. Don’t give up, you’ll drown! But you get tired trying to stay afloat, trying to not sink. 

I’m bloody lost and tired. 

Open Thoughts-The Variable of Communication


People rarely acknowledge just how thin of ice we walk on every day. 

I don’t think it was always this way. I can’t say that I know, though. But I can say that others may not have spoken so harshly and brashly before- I feel we, as a society, have lost touch with the art of communication. 

As a Christian I know that I will always walk a thin line, on thin ice, when it comes to self expression. Mainly because I have to stop and ask myself if these words will show God’s light. It’s not easy. Many say it isn’t fair. But it is life. Because if I speak out of anger, or just speak with no thought on what my words may mean to someone else- I can cause them pain. I also have to take into consideration what others are going through before I take their words to heart. 

Now, it can be argued that this is what it takes to be a decent human being, not just a Christian. I won’t argue with that. I’m simply telling you how I got to this plane of thinking- this thought process. 

I will challenge anyone who stumbles upon this post to think before allowing words to simply flow from their mouth (or hands in today’s age). I know we’ve heard this a million times before “think before you speak”.. but I don’t think enough time is granted for that voyage. 

Let me add- I’m no saint. I speak quickly and can be just as quick to anger. This is just as much for me as it is for anyone else. 

I recently encountered a situation where someone who was “trying to help” sends me a link that discusses and compares depression to self pity. In this post there were bible verses during and at the end. Don’t get me wrong- the Lord discusses mourning, anger, pain, all emotions really, in the Bible. But I do not appreciate a link being thrown my way when there was no time spent on the actual thought process. The act was meant to be helpful and encouraging. But unfortunately, I was offended because I am diagnosed with clinical depression, PTSD, and anxiety. I am not pitying myself. I do not choose this for myself. I actively have to work every moment to see things in a different light. 

I could have lashed out (am I lashing out right now..?) and told this person all of this. But I chose not to respond for two reasons:  1. Unless you have it- or love someone who has it, you won’t understand; and 2. What is this person going through? A LOT. This persons world has been turned upside down and everything they knew to be true turned out to be a lie. 

I learned that when you are going through what reason 2 is going through- there isn’t much reason coming and going. It’s simply survival and a desperate plea for any emotion that isn’t pain. “The best way to help yourself is to help others” and OF COURSE there is a clause or footnote on this. The person was trying to be helpful and unintentionally offended me. I’ll survive LOL. 

Look, I can’t actually tell what the art to communication is. Because it is different for each person you encounter. The current state of said person is the variable. Culture… People are the variable. Your own state of mind is the variable. BUT I truly believe if we stopped and thought about the impact of our words, at least attempted to educate ourselves on these variables, then two things will happen 1. Thoughtful communication will occur and 2. A lot less will be said. (Sometimes it isn’t worth it- the effort, the most likely outcomes, etc.) And of course there are times we can work through every word of our sentence, every variable we know of and still offend someone. It’s ok to offend someone, it’s going to happen. It is a constant of life, a staple. What I hope happens after that though, is constructive communication. 

I’m no activist for saying less. I’m an activist for saying less that means more. Or write a book that means everything. Just think out what you have to say before you say it. Regret leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. You can’t unring a bell. And unfortunately what may take 5 seconds to say, can take 5 years to repair. 

Words are free… it’s how you use them that may cost you. 

No New News


Fake news bullshitGobble it up 

All ‘new’ shit

But this ain’t new shit. 

See this news shit is just like that old shit

We just have it fed to us intravenously 

We have all this knowledge at our fingertips and we treat the platform like a land fill

Our inhumanity 

Our pseudo socialism 

Be the socialite, snap a picture, edit edit edit, show the world. Aren’t you having fun?

Please can I have some more

I’m already drowning 

Drowning in the things that bother us

The things that keep us up at night 

Please may I have some more

Knowledge is ‘power’

But they disable us

Force feed the new information, news inflammation, lets talk about inflation

They feed on our fear and turn us on each other

It’s all too big to conquer

Brain over load

Circuit misfire 

What’s this new fire?

Oh we’re just making the same mistakes we did 75 years ago. 

United we stand, or divided we fall.

Fear of forsaken forevers 

Unless you’ve heard that door slam and the emptiness that follows, you’ll never understand. You’ll never understand the fear.


But I promise to love you every day, in every way. 

Yes, the terrors of abandonment, forsaken forevers, wake me up at night. 

Maybe I’ll always fear. 

Maybe that’s not so bad, really. 

I’ll always savor you like the rarity you are. The once in a lifetime person you are. 

The way your chest rises and falls when you sleep. How your eyes sparkle when you speak. How your eyes crinkle, your dimples show when you laugh. How my soul makes sense and I feel at home in your laughter, amidst the chaos. 

The way your calloused hands caress my face, as soft as a whisper. 

The way you hold me when my world is falling apart. 

Yes, maybe one day I will fail you. Maybe some apocalyptic hellish nightmare of a day that door would slam and only silence will follow suit with the empty. 

But maybe, just maybe, I will acknowledge my fears. Instead of drowning me, drowning our love, they will shine light into the darkness of the unknown. 

No matter what, I will always thank you, I will always cherish you, I will always choose you. I will always love you. YOU you, the real you. The messy you. The you that was broken, too, when you chose to let me in. The one who shares fears, too. 

 I will thank you for every normal, boring day. And I will always be thankful for the irrational anger that is greeted with an exasperated eye roll and nothing more. 

And I will always thank you for every time you walked me back off a ledge. For every time you brought me back home from far away worlds. Every hypothetical “what if” you talk me through, every heartbreak you hold me through. Every time you tell me I am more than enough. Every time you fight my demons off when I am too tired to do so. Every time you love me, when I do not love myself. 

And every time I open my eyes, I will love you. I will choose you. 

I promise. 

Overflowing, overwhelmed 


Weight on shoulders, depress, oppress, suppress

Anxiety in laughter, wrapped around my throat – it won today. It successfully overwhelmed its vessel. 

My knees hit the ground like an ultimatum 

Lists overwhelming my mind, my ability

Failures singing like the birds in the trees, never silenced 

Fear like shackles on my wrists and ankles 

Anxiety fogging my mind, overwhelming my senses. 

The debris and destruction surrounding me. It is a fact, I’m on the ground. 

The smoke rising like protestations

Muscles straining like it’s a physical fight, I stand 

One foot in front of the other

Sun peaks through the dust and smoke, I depend on you

For now, I fear, I fail, I fall, and falter. But every fight has a victor and victim. 

I never liked the taste of being a victim. 

My knees may shake, but I will always get back up. 

I have too much depending on me to give up. 

If Mirrors Could Talk

What if mirrors could tell the stories of what they’ve seen? 

Would they tell us to change toothpaste? Or that it’s long past time to change that toothbrush head?

Would they tell us that our hair looks fine to the left or right and that that one piece will just never sit right?

Would they tell us that yes we HAVE had too much to drink? And scream that we CANNOT drive?

Would they tell us that even though we don’t recognize ourselves that they do?

Would they call us out for not being able to look ourselves in the eyes?

Would the tell of the self hatred screamed at them?

Would they tell us that they’ve seen us cry, and we deserve better than we accept for ourselves?

Would they tell us that the mountains we have been carrying were only meant to be climbed?

If mirrors could talk would they tell stories of the years gone by? Would they tell us about how we should be appreciative of those wrinkles, scars, and bags? 

Would they tell us that “The mirror is not you. The mirror is you looking at yourself”?